Saturday, April 10, 2010

A Journal Entry...

Hey All,
I think most of you are aware that I went to Papua New Guinea for 5 weeks this past summer. While there, I kept a daily journal about life. I've been working on typing it up on the computer and adding bits and pieces that I remember to it. I hope to get it printed nicely and in a folder like format, maybe with pictures someday. Anyhoo, I was working on it today and came across an entry that is very dear to me. It describes all my thoughts and feelings and emotions. I think it's the most dear to me of all the entries 'cause it really portrays what my heart was feeling at the time. When my emotions were raw. I hope you can somehow get a little glimpse of what PNG is like through my words...

...We (a missionary lady and I) also talked about what it might be like for me going home. How people can't understand what I've seen and heard and smelled. That doesn't make me better than them at all. I wish that my family could see what I'm seeing and experience this for themselves. I wish they could see the poverty. The kids who go naked or barefoot or who wear the same ratty clothes everyday. I wish they could see how the women are treated by the men-- like they're not important. I wish they could see little Josephine's eyes, she who is now without a mom to guide her. (Josephine and I by the swing on ITF campus. Her mom died about 5 months before this picture. Such a sweet girl! My heart breaks for her.) I wish they could smell the peoples' smell. It's undescribable but is like a strong smoke/sweat/body odor from not bathing in weeks sort of smell. I wish they could meet the lapuns who have lived their lives in poverty and have watched loved ones die. I wish they could ride in the canter and smell the tropical (good) smells. I wish they could go to market and walk through the 4 inches+ of mud/pig poop/baby poop and see the people desperate to make enough money to survive on a day-to-day basis. I wish they could see the dogs that are all around. I wish they could taste the sugar fruit and see how bit those crickets are and understand why I ate one! I wish they could see the stars that shine so brightly and I wish they could hear what I'm hearing right now--crickets chirping. Em tasol-- no cars or planes to dull the sounds of creation. No music or tv playing loud rocky music. I wish they could experience Sunday morning worship services. Singing to God high in the EHP of PNG. I wish they could hear the wind rustling the palm tree leaves. I wish they could get their hand dirty planting kaukau. I wish they could slip and slide down the little path to Yamoyalo. I wish they could skirt around 6 inch or more deep of mud on the road. I wish they could feel loneliness and complete dependence on God. I wish they could experience culture shock and jet lag. I wish they could feel the heat and experience the frequent downpours. I wish they could stay in a cabin that has woven pitpit walls and has a floor that has cracks so that water runs down onto the ground below. I wish they could experience the constant staring of the nationals as they walk through the market and look at stuff. This is mean, but I wish they could get scratched by nail grass and walk through head high grass in order to see a breathtakingly beautiful sight. (My friend Rebekah and I on our way to New Camp, the breathtakingly beautiful sight mentioned. The grass was so tall! I don't know what nail grass is but all I know is it hurts to be scratched by it! Just walking to the camp, I got tons of long scratches on my skin. But it was oh so worth it to see the gorgeous sight!) I wish they could take a frigid bucket shower while smashing crickets. I wish they could see the national kids swing and giggle and play with each other. I wish they could see the moms and grandmas wipe the babies noses with their hands. I wish they could see Uriso and James playing. I wish they could watch ladies turn rope SO quickly and make a bilum. I wish they could feel overwhelmed by not understanding the language and culture here. I wish they could be at a campfire and hear stories of God's goodness and faithfulness to us. I wish they could be fearful of looking a man in the eye. I wish they could be taught by Clayton and hear Peter and Rachel's stories about living in a tribe. I wish they could be teased by Rich Foster and have deep conversations with Katrina and Melissa and David and Tyler and Nate the cook. I wish they could examine how they dress based on how tribal people look at them. I wish they could hear geckos screaming and bees buzzing around huge tropical plants. I wish they could smell the flowers here and see the huge diwai. I wish they could eat fresh coconut and bananas. So many aspects of life here that I wish my family and friends could experience. All I have is my memories and pictures to share with them. God is so faithful to me! I praise Him that I am here in PNG. He's really working. Em tasol na gut nait! (That's all and good night!)...

So that, dear reader, is just a teeny glimpse into what I thought and felt and saw and experienced while in PNG. God gave me an amazing gift by letting me go to PNG. I'm so thankful for that. Even though I am making steps toward Mexico and I feel that the Lord is going to take me to Mexico, PNG is no less dear to me. I wanted to go there for 7 years. Feelings for something don't just change. I don't know why God is moving me in a different direction, but He is. I just need to keep trusting in Him.

Thanks for listening to the random ramblings of a crazy gal. Espero que Dios te bendiga mucha este noche. Cuidate hermanos!


  1. That sounds sooo neat!!
    Thanks for following my blog! I hope that it encourages, uplifts, or blesses you in some way.
    Originally(if you read my profile, you'll see) I felt God was calling me to be a missionary to Mexico. Actually, that was the country that I had(and still have) a strong desire to go to, to spread God's message. But the closer I've grown to Christ, the more I'm willing to give up all MY dreams, plans, and hopes, and forsake all to follow HIS will for my life. Whether that includes Mexico, or not.
    I'm so glad I found your blog! YOur background is so pretty, I love the colors and designs! And from the two posts that I've read so far, they're really inspiring and touching! *pushes follow button*
    Do you know any Spanish? If you don't, or if you're learning it, you can e-mail me anytime if you have any questions, and I'll do my very best to answer them :) You can e-mail me from my profile page if you ever would like to for any reason.
    Nice to meet you, and God bless you!!

  2. Wow! That's so neat that we can talk. My sister follows your blog and as I was scrolling down the list of blogs she follows, your name caught my eye 'cause Spanish tends to do that :) When I saw that you mentioned maybe going to Mexico I was like AHHH, I must read on! :) So I did and was really blessed by the post you did about wanting to make sure going to Mexico is what God wants and not just what you want.
    I am planning to go to Mexico within a year. God has been changing some plans and I'm thinking of going to Guadalajara January 2011 instead of October 2010. We'll see what God has for me.
    I do know Spanish. Our family has a bible study for the Mexican migrant workers in our area. It's every Friday night in our home and is SUCH a blessing! I have alot of amigos that help me with my Spanish. It's kinda necessary for me to learn/speak it 'cause not alot of mis amigos do. It's been great practice and fun for me. I text, chat, and visit pretty much all in Spanish with my amigos. Thanks for your offer. How much Spanish do you know? What got you interested in Mexico?