It's May!!!

Hey All,

I can't believe it's May already! Where does the time go? It seems the older I get, the faster time flies. That's kind of scary because I'm only 18! What will it be like when I'm 30 then 40? That sounds like such a long time away but it's really not. But a comforting thought is knowing that in Heaven, we won't have to worry about time 'cause there won't be any. We will have eternity to do the things we want.

I guess this post is going to be as confusing as my thoughts are right now. I just wish that I knew what the Lord wants me to do concerning college and Mexico. I've had 2 offers for trips to Mexico next year which sound amazing. I also have a job offer at a restaurant that I substitute at. Then there's college. Do I do summer school or just stick with the fall semester? SO confusing!!! I just want to do what the Lord wants me to do but what is that? I know that I am to follow Him and serve Him wherever I'm at. But what about the future?

A friend shared this from Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest. The title of the devotional is The Graciousness of Uncertainty: "Naturally we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says---'Well, supposing I were in that condition...' We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in.
Certainty is the mark of the common sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said 'Except ye... become as little children.' Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.
'Believe also in Me,' said Jesus, not--- 'Believe certain things about Me.' Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him."

God knew I needed to read this and meditate on it this week. I AM uncertain about my future but I am certain about God. Praise You, Father!

This post's picture is of my younger sister, Jennifer Marie. She is 16, almost 17 (Yes, 'You are 16 going on 17' is running through my head right now, too!) No, this picture does nothing for me. I look HORRID but it shows the kind of relationship Jenny and I have. I call her Juanita or Bubba depending on the day. Jenny is very talented with guitar and singing. She is looking into going to college for worship major. I'm excited to see how the Lord leads her. We do not have a perfect relationship either. I have struggled alot over the years with jealousy towards her because she is better at so much stuff than me. It's a constant battle for me. But the Lord helps me. I am consistently rude to her and my other sister and brother but they forgive me and are patient with me (usually). This is a better picture of us. We love to ride horses together and also eat Chinese food. My siblings and I have many precious memories together and I am so blessed to have all of them. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I joined a group on Facebook that says "Only I can fight with my siblings, you lay a finger on them, you die!" A bit violent perhaps but I'm a fierce defender of my siblings. I love them all SO much.

As usual, I've written what's on my heart. The only problem is my heart is confused right now so this post might be, too. I hope you are all blessed by this. I serve an amazing God. Praise Him! Cuidate.

Sisters...

Hey All,

Here are the next pictures in the series of my siblings. This post is about my older sister, Katherine Dee. She is almost 20 and is the best big sister ever. (She's my only big sister but still...) We are only about 18 months apart. I do not claim to have a perfect relationship with her. We argue alot to my shame. But I love her dearly and would die for her. I would also defend her and have in a heartbeat. My mom always says that us four siblings are so different, we could have been from different planets. (This picture is of us about a year ago. I went to a Ball with 2 of my friends and Katy did our hair and make up. She did a wonderful job!) We used to play imaginary games together alot as little girls. We loved playing Barbie games and doll house games. One imaginary game I remember playing is we hid in her closet and pretended we were hiding from some bad guys. We each took turns shining a flash light at each other and pretending it was the bad people searching for us. Gotta love imaginations! Did I mention we have never had tv? That might play a part :) Katy and I have had oh so many arguments and some rather serious disagreements but we still love each other. I don't try as hard as I should to enter into her life and interests but I want to change that. Katy is very emotional and tends to cry over things that I don't. I am very insensitive and have the attitude of "Get a grip and GET OVER IT!!!" Not the best to have I know. Again, it's a process every day to love unconditionally. Not just Katy, but all of my family. I am so rude and insensitive to them every day. God, help me to show my love to them. (This is Katy and me at a state park near our home. We love going there and have taken many pictures in front of the falls. Katy got eye surgery this January so now she doesn't wear glasses and looks different. Many people ask if we're twins now which is funny.) Ok, there's my gorgeous sister Katy. I truly can say that she is a girl who seeks to follow the Lord wholeheartedly. If you haven't read her blog, there's a link to it on my page.
Thank you all for listening. I have news but it must wait for anther post because I'm tired and it's late here. Dios te bendiga mucho gentes. Cuidate.

Musings...

Hey All,
Here I am again, about to ramble on again about things on my heart. Sorry if this post doesn't make sense. I don't have the words to describe what I'm thinking and feeling right now. God is showing me things right now but I'm not sure what to make of it. Please just bear with me:

Ever since I was little, I've known that God told me to be a missionary. Now, we're all called to be missionaries. Don't think that you can get off easy if you're not feeling "called" to the foreign field. If we're here in the USA or wherever you are, we as the church of Christ MUST get out and tell people about the Lord. No sitting on our rear ends in church pews on Sunday mornings then going out and living just about however we want for the rest of the week.

I have felt that the Lord is leading me to the foreign field ever since I've been about 8 years old. At first, I thought He wanted me to go to Papua New Guinea as a missionary nurse. So I pursued that dream for 7 long years and He finally gave me my dream and let me go to PNG for 5 wonderfully horrible and challenging weeks. But while there, He seemed to be leading me to Mexico. You see, I didn't realize it but God had been planting a seed in my heart all along this journey to PNG. That tiny seed was a love for my amigos. This would eventually lead to a full blown desire to go to Mexico as a missionary. When I came home from PNG, I enrolled in a community college as a nursing major but it didn't take long (like, not even half the semester) before I figured out that I wasn't supposed to do nursing. At least for now.

After my trip, I found a language school in Guadalajara, Mexico that sounds amazing and I totally jumped on that opportunity right away, immediately making plans about what I was going to do and how I was going to go to Guadalajara to learn the language this year. Well, I've been praying very seriously about this for about the past month and God is slowly showing me things. Yesterday in church we sang the song "In His time". It doesn't say in MY time but GOD'S time. *sigh* Seasons of learning like this are NOT fun but are so necessary. I'm not saying that I will not go to Mexico. But God has been opening my eyes to Mexico that is HERE in my backyard. There are hundreds of people all around me. For this year, I think that God is showing me to stay here in the USA. Does that mean that I will not visit my amigos maybe next year? Of course not! I still believe the Lord wants me to go to Mexico someday and I believe it was no mistake that I came across Harvest Language Center. But I am waiting the Lord and taking it one day at a time and am seeing where the Lord will take me. Exciting and scary all at once. Es parte de mi aventura, no!

I want to do a "series" on my family members. I already did my mom, Sydney Dee and tonight's pictures are of my big little brother, Daniel Jay. He's 15 years old and is the baby of the family but also the giant since he towers over all of us girls who average 5'4. He's 6'1. We are at a state park near our home in this picture. There are gorgeous waterfalls and the sun was just perfect creating a wonderful photo opportunity. I gave him my purity ring for a prop and he got down on one knee while I posed trying to look surprised. We wanted to trick people into thinking he was proposing but I don't think it worked :) We have alot of fun together. This picture is awful, I know but it just shows our personalities so well I had to share. We have a thing about taking horrible self portraits on purpose then laughing at them. Weird but fun. Danny really is a handsome boy, just not in this picture :) He is the best brother ever. Even though he is the youngest of 4 kids and the only boy, he has really stepped up and matured over the past couple of years. He's hysterical (unless he's making me mad which happens...) and keeps our family laughing. Right now he has a job at a local pizza/ice cream/ mini golf/ drive in theater joint and has been working almost 40 hour weeks lately. He's the best! (No, our relationship is not perfect but he is my brother and I would die for him.)

Thanks for listening to my confused thoughts. Please pray that I will be open and willing to listen to what the Lord wants me to do and not necessarily what I want to do. Cuidate gente!

Disappointments...

Hey All,
You know how I've mentioned that I've been eagerly waiting to hear news from the language school? Well today, I got something in the mail... It was my application RETURNED! AURGH!!!!!!! SO disappointing. All these months of waiting were for naught. But I'll just try resending it. I can't help but wonder, why? Why God have I been waiting and waiting to hear news and now I have to start the process all over again? But I really have no right whatsoever to question God. He knows exactly why but doesn't owe me an explanation! Please pray that I will have patience and faith in this adventure that the Lord is leading me on.

You know how the last post I did was about the neighbor puppy? Well, that puppy is now my family's! We named him Tagg after an old western show from the '50s, Annie Oakley. Her brother in the show is named Tagg and this puppy has the personality of him. SO exciting. We haven't had a puppy in the house for 11 years since our other dog, Gretchen was born. She's not too thrilled about this little one but I'm praying with time she'll come around. It's been fun having a puppy in the house but also an adjustment. He's so little (8 weeks) and is very curious and enterjetic. Fun but exhausting!!!

For this post's picture, I'm digging in the archives! This is from 2008. From left to right is me, Jacquie, my sister Katy, Nini, and my sister Jenny. We all got together, put on make up, and danced and posed for pictures. This was a silly pose and none of us look to bright. I'm afraid I don't do the kissy face too well :) It was a very fun night and we made lots of memories. We have had many nights like this together and hopefully will have many more! Friends are such a blessing from the Lord!

Thanks for taking an interest in my life and adventure as I pursue Mexico. Sometimes it seems like it's unattainable but I know better than that. Dios te bendiga mucho hermanos (God bless you much brothers and sisters). Cuidate (Take care)!

Puppy!!!

Hey All,
I wanted to post some pictures of our neighbor's new puppy. He is a dalmatian/black lab mix and I admit that I am head over heels in love with the little guy. I call him Junior. Just random Abby trivia, big dogs are the best animal ever created! Then I also love cats and horses. Snakes are the worst. I don't understand how people can hate dogs because I'm convinced they're God's gift to us humans. I sincerely praise the Lord for dogs. Where would we be without them?






In other news, I got a letter from the college I applied to today. They said that since I don't have a declared major, I can't get financial aid. So I'm thinking over different things and also praying. Do I just want to go to college to save money because I don't think God is able to provide? The other morning, I was reading in Luke 12. Just prior to this I had been complaining to God about this whole Mexico thing and lacking faith so much. He gave me these verses anyway:

Verses 22-34 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? ...Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothes the grass which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, of how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith? And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink nor have an anxious mind. For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. But seek the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you... Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Such a needful reminder for me! Why is it that I can't learn my lesson the first time God teaches it to me? Please be praying that I will be discerning as to what the Lord wants for my life.

I hope you are all blessed tonight. Espero que tengas un buen noche. Cuidate hermanos!

Thoughts...

Hey All,

The past few days, I've been doing alot of thinking about Mexico. The Lord seems to be leading me to do a semester of school at the local college to get a jump start at maybe getting a degree in Spanish after language school. As it's looking right now, I'm postponing language school until January 2011. It also makes sense because I will save about $800 on an extra plane ticket home for Christmas. I would stay from Jauary to August if the Lord provides for me for that whole time. Please be praying that I will obey what the Lord wants me to do and not just what I want. So many things go through my head about my future. You see, I love being in control of what happens to me... The thing is, I'm NOT! GOD is. I read a quote once that made me smile: If Jesus is your copilot, switch seats! Jesus needs to be the pilot of my life. He should be the one in the driver seat. And He is, I just don't always treat Him like He is.

In other news, I am recovering from the stomach flu right now. I only got sick once thankfully and was able to go to work today but I'm still weak and not completely normal. (My family and friends would ask if I'm ever normal :P) Now my mom and 2 sisters are pretty sick. Please pray for their quick healing and that my brother won't get sick. My dad was also sick last night but he's on the mend as well praise God! I also had to get a work physical and TB test today, just making my day that much more wonderful. (Not). BUT I'm healthy besides the flu and do not have TB so that's good. There's a silver lining in every cloud or however that expression says...

The picture that is going to make this post is one of me and my apple pie, Miguel. Yes, I named him. He was my first good attempt at a homemade pie and I was so excited. My family raved about him, too. Please don't think me weird or a gal with cannabalistic tendencies 'cause that's NOT TRUE!!!! I just thought it'd be fun to name him so I did. I don't know anyone named Miguel either so it's not like I was naming the pie after an enemy or anything.... Anyhoo! I think I should just keep my mouth shut :) There's a Spanish proverb I'm trying to learn that says "En boca cerrada no entran moscas." (Flies do not enter a closed mouth. In other words, silence is golden.) I am forever putting my foot in my mouth. Sometimes I say the most awkward things! But my family and friends forgive me and I hope you all do too if you read something of mine that just makes your mouth drop open. :)

Espero que tengas un buen noche. Dios te bendiga mucho hoy. Cuidate hermanos!!!

A Journal Entry...

Hey All,
I think most of you are aware that I went to Papua New Guinea for 5 weeks this past summer. While there, I kept a daily journal about life. I've been working on typing it up on the computer and adding bits and pieces that I remember to it. I hope to get it printed nicely and in a folder like format, maybe with pictures someday. Anyhoo, I was working on it today and came across an entry that is very dear to me. It describes all my thoughts and feelings and emotions. I think it's the most dear to me of all the entries 'cause it really portrays what my heart was feeling at the time. When my emotions were raw. I hope you can somehow get a little glimpse of what PNG is like through my words...

...We (a missionary lady and I) also talked about what it might be like for me going home. How people can't understand what I've seen and heard and smelled. That doesn't make me better than them at all. I wish that my family could see what I'm seeing and experience this for themselves. I wish they could see the poverty. The kids who go naked or barefoot or who wear the same ratty clothes everyday. I wish they could see how the women are treated by the men-- like they're not important. I wish they could see little Josephine's eyes, she who is now without a mom to guide her. (Josephine and I by the swing on ITF campus. Her mom died about 5 months before this picture. Such a sweet girl! My heart breaks for her.) I wish they could smell the peoples' smell. It's undescribable but is like a strong smoke/sweat/body odor from not bathing in weeks sort of smell. I wish they could meet the lapuns who have lived their lives in poverty and have watched loved ones die. I wish they could ride in the canter and smell the tropical (good) smells. I wish they could go to market and walk through the 4 inches+ of mud/pig poop/baby poop and see the people desperate to make enough money to survive on a day-to-day basis. I wish they could see the dogs that are all around. I wish they could taste the sugar fruit and see how bit those crickets are and understand why I ate one! I wish they could see the stars that shine so brightly and I wish they could hear what I'm hearing right now--crickets chirping. Em tasol-- no cars or planes to dull the sounds of creation. No music or tv playing loud rocky music. I wish they could experience Sunday morning worship services. Singing to God high in the EHP of PNG. I wish they could hear the wind rustling the palm tree leaves. I wish they could get their hand dirty planting kaukau. I wish they could slip and slide down the little path to Yamoyalo. I wish they could skirt around 6 inch or more deep of mud on the road. I wish they could feel loneliness and complete dependence on God. I wish they could experience culture shock and jet lag. I wish they could feel the heat and experience the frequent downpours. I wish they could stay in a cabin that has woven pitpit walls and has a floor that has cracks so that water runs down onto the ground below. I wish they could experience the constant staring of the nationals as they walk through the market and look at stuff. This is mean, but I wish they could get scratched by nail grass and walk through head high grass in order to see a breathtakingly beautiful sight. (My friend Rebekah and I on our way to New Camp, the breathtakingly beautiful sight mentioned. The grass was so tall! I don't know what nail grass is but all I know is it hurts to be scratched by it! Just walking to the camp, I got tons of long scratches on my skin. But it was oh so worth it to see the gorgeous sight!) I wish they could take a frigid bucket shower while smashing crickets. I wish they could see the national kids swing and giggle and play with each other. I wish they could see the moms and grandmas wipe the babies noses with their hands. I wish they could see Uriso and James playing. I wish they could watch ladies turn rope SO quickly and make a bilum. I wish they could feel overwhelmed by not understanding the language and culture here. I wish they could be at a campfire and hear stories of God's goodness and faithfulness to us. I wish they could be fearful of looking a man in the eye. I wish they could be taught by Clayton and hear Peter and Rachel's stories about living in a tribe. I wish they could be teased by Rich Foster and have deep conversations with Katrina and Melissa and David and Tyler and Nate the cook. I wish they could examine how they dress based on how tribal people look at them. I wish they could hear geckos screaming and bees buzzing around huge tropical plants. I wish they could smell the flowers here and see the huge diwai. I wish they could eat fresh coconut and bananas. So many aspects of life here that I wish my family and friends could experience. All I have is my memories and pictures to share with them. God is so faithful to me! I praise Him that I am here in PNG. He's really working. Em tasol na gut nait! (That's all and good night!)...

So that, dear reader, is just a teeny glimpse into what I thought and felt and saw and experienced while in PNG. God gave me an amazing gift by letting me go to PNG. I'm so thankful for that. Even though I am making steps toward Mexico and I feel that the Lord is going to take me to Mexico, PNG is no less dear to me. I wanted to go there for 7 years. Feelings for something don't just change. I don't know why God is moving me in a different direction, but He is. I just need to keep trusting in Him.

Thanks for listening to the random ramblings of a crazy gal. Espero que Dios te bendiga mucha este noche. Cuidate hermanos!