The Big Question: WHY???

We've all asked it before at different times.When we were six it might have been "Mommy, why is the sky blue?" Or in our teen years, "But Dad, why can't I take the car out tonight?" For me the question Why has been more along the lines of "God, why is this happening right now?"

Things in life often don't make sense to me. Over the past year or so I've been struggling with the concept of prayer. Why should I pray when God obviously is going to do what He wants whether I ask Him or not. It's more that He COMMANDS us to pray. Jesus didn't say, "If you feel like praying, pray in this manner." He said "WHEN you pray...." That leads me to believe that it needs to be a daily thing. Whether I get what I want or not.

So then, is it wrong to ask God why? I honestly don't think it is. Jesus Himself asked Him when He was hanging on the cross "My God, my God WHY have You forsaken Me?" It's our attitude that determines whether it's wrong or not. I'll have to admit that often I don't have the right attitude when I ask why of the Lord. Too often it's an indignant "How could this dare happen to me or someone I love?" Oh God, that I would be able to accept whatever You have for me without question!

Oh that I could have the faith of a child. That's what the Lord delights in, our childlike faith.

Just a thought from a very confused girl who's striving to please her Savior. Blessings!!!

My Support Group

Hey All,

I was thinking (scary thought, I know) that for all these months of this blog, I haven't really mentioned what an amazing support group I have at home. So this post is dedicated to the wonderful people at home who cheer me on, pray for me, and care what's happening in my life.

As some of you know, my dad is the pastor of a small independent Baptist church out in the country. I was born and raised in that church and the people there truly are family. They have watched me grow up and (hopefully) mature. They were right there for me when the Lord first laid on my heart the desire to go to the foreign mission field. I am so incredibly blessed.

Here's the whole group at the airport to pick me up. Please disregard the girl holding the roses (which her darling brother bought-- awwww!)
Ok, so my point is that I look awful in this picture. I thought that since Mexico was only 1 hour time difference as opposed to 14 hours time difference in Papua New Guinea, it'd be no problem readusting to the time. Um, WRONG!!!!! There were many factors working agaisnt me that I hadn't counted on. Like me getting sick, the whole team camping out for most of the night when we should have been sleeping(I think I got 2 hours of sleep that whole last night), saying goodbye one by one to each of my dear teammates. That about killed me! The travel wasn't too bad. It was only 12 hours from start to finish as opposed to the 48 it took to get home from PNG. Let me tell you, it was very encouraging to come home to this group of people. Such amazing family and friends. I love them all.

Hope you all have a blessed Easter. Remember why we celebrate isn't because of chocolate or the Easter Bunny or a big elaborate dinner, it's because our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ died for us. He DIED for us that we might LIVE through Him. Think about that for awhile....

Same Old Same Old....

Hey All,

I feel like I've written a post identical to this many times before. Posts about trusting the Lord, struggling to walk by faith and not by sight. Why is it so hard to learn this lesson? Why do I keep taking my eyes off of Christ and fixing them on the problems of this life? Just when I think I've conquered this, something comes up and reminds me I have such a long way to go. I read verses in Matthew about not worrying and how it doesn't add a cubit to my stature (Matt. 6:25-34) but I don't take them to heart obviously.

I got an email from the college today saying my tuition of $1,300 is due by March 18. I wrote a letter a few weeks ago explaining my situation but they obviously have decided that I need to pay. So now, all the months of saving are for naught it would seem. I have less than 3 months 'til my trip to Chiapas and while that is incredibly exciting, it's crazy scary as well because now I don't have money to go. The Lord is teaching me to trust in Him COMPLETELY for all my needs. All I need to do is trust Him to take care of all my needs. God gave me a verse a long time ago when I was struggling with doubts and fears about Papua New Guinea. It's Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." What a comfort!

Please pray for me that I will trust the Lord for everything. That I will lay my burdens at His feet and not try to take them up again. Thanks to you all who are keeping me in your prayers. I appreciate it so much. Dios les bendiga! (God bless you all!)

Discouraged?

Hey All,

As you know, I am planning to return to Chiapas this June and staying until Christmas at least, hopefully after. I have been working and saving money up for the past 6 months and working towards this goal. I never realized how expensive having a car and insurance is until I started saving towards something :) All part of growing up.

I enrolled for classes at my community college this past fall thinking that I was going to work towards a degree. But the Lord redirected me and I ended up not. I thought I had withdrawn from the classes but the college kept emailing me saying my tuition was due. So I got online and tried to log into my college account so I could withdraw my classes but it said I didn't have an account with the college. So I figured I must have withdrawn and just didn't remember. I received a few more emails about tuition and each time, I tried to log on to withdraw but it wouldn't let me. Finally, the day after classes started, it let me on and I withdrew from the college. A few days later I got a letter from the college saying I owe $1,200 because I didn't unenroll soon enough. Originally, I had applied for financial aid but had withdrawn from that because I wasn't going to college. So now, I owe $1,200 to the college for classes I didn't even attend. I am writing a letter explaining my situation to the college. Please pray that it will be straightened out so I won't have to pay the money. This would be a huge blow to my finances. I only have 3 months to save up money as it is and this would be really bad.

So this has all been on my mind lately. The other day, I was praying about it and came across the book God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew. An AMAZING book! I recommend it to anyone. I started reading it and was incredibly blessed by the testimony of God's faithfulness and provision. If He wants me in Mexico permanently, He is going to provide for me y punto. Even if I don't have a cent to my name, He WILL provide. Does this mean I will never ever fret about anything again? I wish but I probably will take my eyes off of Christ and look at the "waves" around me. He is faithful and will keep reminding me to keep my eyes on Him though.

All that to say, I am SO EXCITED to be going back to Chiapas!!!!!! IN 3 short months I will Lord willing be there with a totally new group of people. I can't wait!!!! Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to press on toward the goal of going to Mexico as a full time missionary. Blessings!